These are the five most common reasons that an individual decides to phone the authorities and tell them that they planted explosives somewhere.
Bomb threats have been a part of American life for about as long as there have been telephones and/or newsprint. In the vast, vast majority of these incidents, there is no actual bomb involved so what you have is an impotent individual who tries to remedy their condition through a cheap emotional thrill, rather than accepting their fate and moving on.
Here at Small Penis Research, we are often contacted by law enforcement officials after they’ve detained a bomb threat suspect and discovered his phallic shortcomings. Working with the FBI, we have narrowed down the five most common characteristics of someone who calls in a bomb threat to, say, a school or university.
If you’re part of the 0.6% of men who have a micropenis, there’s a good chance that you’re walking through life with a chip on your shoulder.
A common criterion is a dorsal (measured on top) erect penile length of at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the meanhuman penis size, or smaller than about 7 cm (2 3⁄4 in) for an adult when compared to an average erection of 12.5 cm (5 in). The condition is usually recognized shortly after birth. The term is most often used medically when the rest of the penis, scrotum, and perineum are without ambiguity, such as hypospadias. Micropenis occurs in about 0.6% of males.
Calling in a bomb threat gives the individual with a micropenis the feeling of power and potency that their lives have lacked for so long.
One of the great hardships of having an actual chode is growing up with people shouting the term around you randomly, never knowing whether anyone knows your shameful secret or whether they’re tossing the term out as a generic insult.
A small squat penis, “with greater width than length.” Jonathon Green supposes it may have arisen from the archaic ‘choaty’, meaning chubby.
The opposite of a chode. The pencil dick has a girth deficiency, so while the length may be average, the width typically results in lots of questions about whether it’s actually “in yet”.
Chordee is a downward curve of the penis when erect, meaning that even when it’s “up”, it’s not. This contradiction creates a rage that is eventually directed toward society as a whole.
A condition caused by morbid obesity where the belly fat literally covers the penis. If you thought the shame of being fat in America was bad, imagine how it feels to be so fat that your very best friend now hides from you.
That means that someone suffering from this condition will find themselves lashing out when those around them least expect it, because any comment about being fat is a reminder that their favorite joystick has gone underground.
It’s pretty safe to assume that if someone calls in a bomb threat, they have a penis that is far from ideal. It’s likely so small that the sense of inadequacy can’t be funneled into a drive for wealth or power and they are forced to act out in a manner, much like their sex lives, is a waste of time for everyone involved.